Patricia Byrne, ssc

THE GIFT OF PRESENCE: THE ELUSIVE CORE OF THE SPIRITUAL DIRECTION RELATIONSHIP

 

Part I

O

nce, at the beginning of a series of lectures I was attending, the lecturer asked us to introduce ourselves. "As each person introduces him or herself," he said, "I want you to be present to that person." A simple request, which had a profound effect on me. I began thinking of the whole notion of presence: what it might mean. What constitutes presence to another? What does this presence look like, feel like?

From this I was led to explore "presence" as it operates on different levels. There is the mutual presence of the two persons to each other in the relationship of spiritual direction. Each comes into the relationship with a unique history of experiences. They are present in different capacities, one as director, the other as directee. Therefore what each gives to the encounter, as well as what each receives from the encounter will be different. I hope through this reflection to learn how their way of being together can achieve the aim of their coming together, which is the spiritual growth of the directee.

Because spiritual direction is God-oriented, the director and directee strive to remain alert to this dimension as it reveals itself in their interchange. Openness to this mysterious presence, it seems to me, is the core of the whole process. The encounter of God with the human being, the work of God's hands, is pure gift. Because all experiences of presence in this life are fleeting and intangible, in the sense that they cannot be grasped, I understand this presence to be both elusive and precious.

The participants in a spiritual direction relationship come together to be intentionally open to mystery. They are together in a contemplative attitude. Therefore, I believe that this relationship is an ideal locus for understanding the notion of presence, while, at the same time, gaining an understanding of the meaning and value of spiritual direction.

I would like to explore how this notion of presence is connected with the reality of God's presence in our lives. One of the best places for understanding this is in the intimacy of a spiritual direction relationship. I begin by examining this relationship as a way of being present to another. I see the spiritual direction relationship as one that is open to intimacy, and therefore a relationship of some depth. This intimacy is expressed in a reverential attitude and a comfortableness with silence. The presence of the directee is expressed most typically through the narration of experience. That of the director is expressed most typically through listening, through responding with empathy, and in this way enabling the directee to clarify and enter more deeply into the meaning and challenge of the experiences shared.

I then take up the understanding of God as Presence. This present God waits to be gracious through God's unconditional love or call to the two participants in the spiritual direction relationship. The director and directee respond to the mystery through a contemplative attitude within the relationship, and a life of prayer and surrender to the one who calls. Through their contact with mystery they are open to God's revelation, often experienced in a challenge to change and growth.

Presence as a gift to be nurtured. This, I believe, happens as we become more truly human and therefore more free. I intend to look at what blocks this development. Here, too, I endeavour to look at the movement of conversion, with reference to the first week of The Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius. I wish to show how this can lay the foundation for a transparency on the part of the directee through the healing and transforming grace of God.

Relationship As Presence

When one is open to God in creation, one can feel the vibrancy of the Trinitarian presence in ordinary, everyday things. The yearning to relate to this hidden presence, to experience the eternal in the now, is a perennial Christian desire. I hope to look at all these layers of relationship: relationship expressed in the language of the body, yet communicating soul, and in this communication reflecting a presence transcending both.

In the Book of Genesis we read that at the dawn of creation "God's spirit hovered over the water" (Gen. 1:2), and God breathed the "breath of life" into humanity (Gen.2:7). This "breath" of God, this spirit is profoundly relational. It connects the human person with God in the depth of being. John Navone says: "The experience of beauty is primordially spiritual. Beauty itself, the origin and ground and perfection of all created beauty, is Spirit" (6).

Beauty, especially the beauty of the natural world, has a way of luring us into the mystery from which we spring. "God is the ecstasy of Love," says Olivier Clement, "overflowing outside himself, enabling creatures to share in his life. Through his life they share the same overflowing force, which we see already displayed in eros, the love of man and woman, and which is designed to be perfected in holiness, in conscious fellowship with him who is the fullness of Beauty and Goodness" (22).

The human being needs to connect with its source in God. This need to connect rises up from the hidden depths of humanity in the form of desire. Speaking of this, Clement says: "Desire is in the first place God's desire for us, to which all human (or to be exact divine-human) eros is seeking to respond" (22). God's desire is expressed in the depth of God's life, in the dynamic relationship within the Trinity. It overflows in a creative energy that images itself in the human. It reveals itself in that passionate desire and love which is constitutive of all presence. Clement explains this:

A solitary God would not be "Love without limits. [. . .] The three-in-One denotes the perfection of unity [. . .] fulfilling itself in communion and becoming the source and foundation of all communion.[. . .] "Each heartbeat is an impulse by which the Father gives himself. These beats send towards us the blood of the Son, given life by the breath of the Spirit" (Jesus, simples regards sur le Sauveuer, Chevetogne 1959, p. 144). It is in this rhythm of the heart that we are called to participate (74-75).

And it is in this rhythm too that we locate the spiritual. Sandra Schneiders says: "We might define Christian spirituality as that particular actualization of the capacity for self-transcendence that is constituted by the substantial gift of the Holy Spirit establishing a life-giving relationship with God in Christ within the believing community" (The Catholic Faith 241). Actualizing the capacity for self-transcendence focuses on the importance of experience. This is so because we meet God in the actual living of our lives and in all our relationships.

It would be true to say, then, that the essence, or core of spirituality is to be in relationship. To relate, as I see it, is to be in touch, in contact, to communicate and, at its deepest level, to be in union or in communion. Spirituality touches all our relationships. Anne Carr says: "Spirituality is holistic, encompassing our relationships to all of creation. [. . .] Christian spirituality entails the conviction that God is indeed personal and that we are in immediate personal relationship to another, and Other who "speaks" and can be spoken to, who really affects our lives" (Women's Spirituality 49-50).

The Spiritual Direction Relationship

In this article I am interested in the specific relationship of spiritual direction. While there can be a spiritual direction relationship in terms of group, my particular concern is with the one-to-one relationship. How are we to understand this kind of relationship? F. Nemeck and M.T. Coombs see it in terms of call and response: "The formation of a spiritual director-directee relationship is the result of a twofold call: God calls a particular directee to a certain director, and vice versa. The spiritual director and the directee are sent to each other so that united in the same Spirit they may together listen to God within the directee" (51). Barry and Connolly state it thus: "we define Christian spiritual direction [. . .] as help given by one Christian [the director] to another [the directee] which enables that person to pay attention to God's personal communication to him or her, to respond to this personally communicating God, to grow in intimacy with this God, and to live out the consequences of the relationship" (8).

What both of the above descriptions emphasize is a relationship which focuses on tuning in to the Spirit's presence in the directee, and on the role of the director in facilitating the directee's growth in intimacy with God. In order to clarify further the nature of the relationship between director and directee, Barry and Connolly refer to it as a "working alliance" (139). They expand on the meaning of this by stating that:

Spiritual directors consciously ally themselves with the indwelling Spirit and the expression of that spirit in the desire of the directees for "more" in the way of life and union with God.[...]

A working alliance depends very much on a mutual agreement between director and directee as to what the directee wants and what the director can do (140-41).

From all of the above, it can be seen that there is a clear purpose in setting up this relationship. It is one to which both feel called: by a sense of vocation or charism on the part of the director; by a need to discern or to grow in relationship with God on the part of the directee. Therefore it is freely chosen between two adults, with some expectations on both sides. Sandra Schneiders speaks of spiritual direction as "a process." She says it is "an ongoing relationship characterized by a certain continuity and consistency." Furthermore, "the primary means used in the spiritual direction process is personal encounter between the guide and the directee" (Chicago Studies 125-26).

I would like to look more closely at the nature of this personal encounter, what Gabriel Marcel calls, "that exchange which is the mark of all spiritual life" (Homo Viator 50). I consider presence to be the core and vital component of this exchange. Speaking of the notion of presence Marcel says: "When somebody's presence does really make itself felt, it can refresh my inner being; it reveals me to myself, it makes me more fully myself than I should be if I were not exposed to its impact" (Mystery of Being 205). Here Marcel refers to the effectiveness of presence on one who is touched by its manifestation in another person. In the same vein Ralph Harper says, "all presence has authority, a force and radiance, unreserved yet unpredictable. One whose presence makes others come alive is  one  who  is  alive  and  real. Real life has its marks: immediacy, fullness, and something like the annulment of time" (On Presence 4).

Presence is therefore described as elusive yet real. It touches human experience in a vital way, which can be difficult to put into words. Henri Nouwen says:

“In Jesus, God became one of us to lead us through Jesus into the intimacy of his divine life. Jesus came to us to become as we are and left us to allow us to become as he is. By giving us his spirit, his breath, he became closer to us than we are to ourselves.

It is through this breath of God that we can call God "Abba, Father" and can become part of the mysterious divine relationship between Father and Son. Praying in the Spirit of Jesus Christ, therefore, means participating in the intimate life of God himself” (Reaching Out 89).

This is the wondrous exchange by which humanity is enabled to sense the depth of presence. This presence is glimpsed in a moment of encounter when one human being is fully attentive and available to another in such a way that communion in mystery can be actualized and both are, to some measure, transformed in the encounter.

Openness to Intimacy:

Relationship as presence is a relationship which is open to intimacy. In our seeking for wholeness we reach out to others and to God. Our embodied creation yearns for completion. Speaking of the sensuous in the writings of the mystics, O'Donohue says:

The mystics never preach a denial of the senses, rather they speak of the transfiguration of the senses. They recognize that there is a certain gravity or darkness in Eros that can sometimes predominate.

The light of the soul can transfigure this tendency and bring balance and poise. The beauty of such mystical reflection on Eros reminds us that Eros is ultimately the energy of divine creativity. In the transfiguration of the sensuous, the wildness of eros and the playfulness of the soul come into lyrical rhythm. (Anam Cara 3l)

The spiritual direction relationship is one type of this passionate relational dynamic which has its source in the intimate exchange within the Trinity. Caught up in God's intimate love, humans search for ways in which to respond with enthusiasm and love.

If intimacy is a deep human desire one can find this intimacy in God, who gives people to each other in friendship as visible manifestations of divine love. Francis [de Sales] and Jane [de Chantal] demonstrate that the deepest intimacy among people is an intimacy that finds its origin and goal in God through Christ. Affection plays a prominent role in their writings and in all their relationships. (O'Driscoll 427-28).

To be open to this kind of intimacy calls for a high level of trust and a readiness to risk. Speaking of the soul trend O'Donohue continues:

The honesty and clarity of true friendship also brings out the real contour of your spirit. It is beautiful to have such a presence in your life.

We are capable of such love and belonging because the soul holds the echo of a primal intimacy. [. . .] This original echo whispers within every heart. The soul did not invent itself. It is a presence from the divine world, where intimacy has no limit or barrier (26).

Nemeck and Coombs note that the director-directee relationship is dependent on three factors, the first of which is that each is able to "arrive at self-intimacy." They explain what they mean by this:

Self intimacy means being attuned to whatever promotes in a responsible way our physical, mental, emotional, spiritual health and well-being. It predicates ownership of our thoughts, feelings, desires, aspirations and motives.

Self-intimacy facilitates the discovery and development of our creative potential [. . .]. Yet self-intimacy confronts us also with the unavoidable truth of our sinfulness and weakness.[. . .]

Above all, intimacy with self enables us to face the inescapable solitary dimension of our lives. [. . .] The discovery of solitude opens us to deeper intimacy with self, others and God (56-57).

Self-intimacy, then, indicates a growth towards integrity and holistic self-awareness. It includes a desire to know God and to know ourselves, and to face up and respond to the call revealed in this unfolding awareness.

Intimacy involves closeness and to come close to God calls for communication, for prayer. David Hassel has observed that "prayer is intimacy, the deepest and most lasting of all intimacies" (1). In other words, it is important that both director and directee are persons of prayer, growing into an ever deeper relationship with God. Intimacy requires also, some level of reflection on their lives in relation to who that say they are as Christians in relation to Gospel values. Being thus present to God, the director and directee are enabled to be present to each other. Their presence to each other somehow reflects the presence of God.

For this type of depth to occur in the relationship I believe two qualities are required; an ease with silence and an attitude of reverence. To reverence is to have a spirit of profound respect mingled with a sense of wonder. Robert Morneau says: "The ability to cut through the outer appearance and to perceive and feel intuitively the inner sacredness and dignity of life is the gift of the reverent person" (105). One of the ways reverence is shown in fact is by listening or by an awed silence in the presence of God and of the other. John O'Donohue says: "One of the tasks of true friendship is to listen compassionately and creatively to the hidden silences. Often secrets are not revealed in words, they lie concealed in the silence between the words or in the depth of what is unsayable between two people" (Anam Cara 112). This is the atmosphere in which the spiritual direction encounter takes place.

Directee's Presence

The directee's presence is felt perhaps most profoundly through the narrative he or she recounts. Janet Ruffing points out:

In spiritual direction, people frequently tell stories about experiences which are religiously significant to the narrators. These stories either have to do directly with God or with other people and life experiences which are illuminated by God's presence [. . .]. Storytelling recreates the experience for the narrator and the audience with emotional power. This reliving of the experience through the narrative affords an opportunity for the storyteller to appreciate the experience more fully and to reenter the presence of the mysterious other originally encountered in the experience (97).

It is important to note that the "mysterious other" encountered in the re-telling of the experience touches the director as well as the directee. Ruffing notes:

The directee's sharing of faith experience through story can become a moment of communion in the same reality disclosed by the story.

In recounting stories of faith, the directee [. . .] relives the experience and witnesses to it. The director imaginatively participates in this story and can at the same time experience, in and through the directee, God actively present within the direction setting (139).

In the mutual presence of director and directee there is the experience of the breaking in of the divine presence. Jesus  has said it very directly: "Where two or three meet in my name I am there among them (Matt. 18:20). Consciously meeting in the name of Jesus, there is an awareness (unlike in the therapeutic setting), that director and directee are experiencing a sacred moment in the presence of the one who draws them. Through a willingness to be profoundly open the directee allows the deeper reality to shine through his or her narrative. However, this openness is no easy task, and demands a singular courage, as Nemeck and Coombs point out: "When directees open their heart to the director they stand exposed before him/her in naked truth. To stand before another just as God sees them is a formidable risk. It is to let go of all facades and defenses" (72).

The challenge here for the directee is to let go of all falseness and dissembling, to be present in his or her total reality, strengths and weaknesses. Only then can the truth be revealed and the moment of encounter become a revelation of God's truth. "This degree of self-disclosure," according to Ruffing, "is possible because the director plays the role of a trusted intimate. This sense of privacy and even more importantly trust in the confidentiality of the narrative situation supports the directee's tentative efforts to express himself or herself non-defensively in the narrative process" (117-18).

Director’s Presence:

The director's presence is revealed in his or her response to the sharing or the narrative of the directee. The director is most profoundly present in the way he or she listens. "Be still and know that I am God" (Ps. 46:10). This, I believe, is where the listening of the director begins. In order to be present to the directee, the director must first meet him or herself in the presence of God. In this opening to God the director becomes present to his or her own deepest self. Nemeck and Coombs point out that "listening is unconditional surrender to Abba. Listening is a giving of our deepest to him whose depth has no end" (62). When the director listens in this way he or she is enabled to be open and the directee is encouraged to share the depths of his or her experience of faith. Through listening, then, the director is an encouraging presence. O'Donohue observes:

There are people whose presence is encouraging. [. . .] When someone encourages you, they help you over a threshold you might otherwise never have crossed on your own. [. . .] The sense of encouragement you feel from them is not simply their words or gestures; it is rather their whole presence enfolding you and helping you find the concealed door. The encouraging presence manages to understand you and put itself in your shoes. (Eternal  Echoes  63).

Here, O'Donohue touches on what it means to listen with empathy, to be an empathic presence. One is present when one is fully there, focused, and alert to the directee. This level of presence involves a kind of loss. In the field of counselling Carl Rogers says: "To be with another in this way means that for the time being you lay aside your own views and values in order to enter another's world without prejudice. In some sense it means you lay aside yourself" (143).

This is reminiscent of Jesus' saying in the Gospel: "I tell you most solemnly, unless a wheat grain falls on the ground and dies, it remains only a single grain; but if it dies, it yields a rich harvest" (John 12:24). How is this loss, this "death" evident in the spiritual director? The presence of the director is expressed first of all through active listening, with its concomitant skill of attending. To really listen like this, directors, for the duration of the session, leave aside, "die," to their own needs in order to be fully present and attentive to the directee. This transcending of their own needs and desires is the cost of being truly present to the other. However, it is a cost that can bear fruit. Being present in this way in Christ, they support the directee's entrance into the depth of self where they too may face the "death" which can lead to new life, and so attain the "rich harvest."

Janet Ruffing enlarges on this point when she says: "In this kind of interchange between a directee who is telling a valued part of experience within the horizon of faith and a director who may be very silent, the directee may learn to listen to the story he or she is telling and to perceive what God is doing and how he or she is responding" (101).

Listening together in this way to the "still small voice" (1 Kings 19:13) the directee is helped to discern the call of God in the ongoing journey of life. In the experience of being listened to with respect in the midst of his or her hesitancies and uncertainties, the directee can feel accepted and understood and thus grow in trust. As Tilden Edwards says: "The director imposes nothing but seeks to listen for and evoke the unfolding image of God, the fullest, called-out humanity of the person" (Spiritual Friend 99). This kind of listening requires what, in the counselling context, Gerald Egan calls an "intensity of presence." He says: "Helping and all other deep interpersonal transactions demand a certain intensity of presence. Attending, or the way you orient yourself physically and psychologically to clients contributes to this presence" (62).

This is true, too, of the presence of the spiritual director. Later, I will refer to other ways in which he or she is present to the directee. I wish to say a brief word here on the importance of bodily presence and awareness of body language. I believe this is intimately connected with the act of listening. According to Ruffing: "Narratives can only be produced through bodily instrumentality. The communication which takes place between director and directee is always immediately embodied. [. . .] Facial expression, physical movement, voice, eye contact, physical sensations related to affect all contribute to the communication process" (71). Therefore, the way in which the director is alert to the whole person of the directee, and the way in which the director is wholly present in all his or her dimensions contributes to the quality of presence in this relationship.

Through body language the soul expresses itself in the human exchange between director and directee. As both open themselves to the experience of this depth shining through their interaction they are expressing their faith in that greater reality - the intimate exchange of love within the Trinity, the creative source of human life. God draws us into intimate communion with himself so that in touching that ground, we too may reach out in intimate communion with one another and with all creation.

Edward Sellner sums up what this soul friendship looks like:

People long for relationships of genuine intimacy, stability and depth. Being accepted and loved by another person is to be cherished, and not taken for granted - as is the experience of being heard when one is not even sure what it is one is trying to say. Soul friendship is a relationship that acts as a container, a cell in which we can face the truth of our lives without fear. Soul friendship is a place of sanctuary where the worst part of us can be acknowledged, so that genuine change can begin to occur. Soul friendship is also a relationship, a place where our joys and accomplishments can be celebrated wholeheartedly. Healing and the integration of mind and heart happen where there is mutual honesty and trust (417).

This kind of relationship is possible and desirable because it reflects the mysterious source of all relationship. To this mystery I now turn.

Mystery as Presence

The spiritual direction relationship is of its nature one open to the eternal, to mystery. It is a relationship entered into because of mystery and it is sustained by mystery. What is the meaning of this mystery? How can we refer to the mystery of presence? How, in fact, is it experienced in the spiritual direction relationship? I now turn my attention to these issues.

Karl Rahner sees the human as a "being oriented towards God" (44). For him "the concept 'God' is not a grasp of God by which a person masters the mystery, but it is letting oneself be grasped by the mystery which is present and yet ever distant" (54). The mystery of God, then, is a presence which attracts the human person, who may accept or reject God's offer. Rahner points out that we know the mystery "in the experience of subjective transcendence" (64). He speaks of the mystery which "presents itself to us in the mode of withdrawal, of silence, of distance, of being always inexpressible, so that speaking of it, if it is to make sense, always requires listening to its silence" (64). Here, I believe, he touches on our human involvement with mystery through contemplation. And when this contemplation takes place we can speak of the closeness as well as the distance of God. According to Rahner, "the Christian interpretation of the transcendental experience of God consists in the fact that the holy mystery is present not only as a remoteness [. . .] but also in the mode of an absolute and forgiving closeness and of an absolute offer of himself" (86).

All through the Hebrew Scriptures and into the New Testament we encounter a God who reaches out to humanity in this way. This is the mysterious God we come to know in Jesus Christ, the Word who became flesh and lived among us. (John l:14). In Jesus the mystery draws near. In him we come to know the God who "emptied himself, taking the form of a slave" (Phil. 2:7).

Rahner sums up the meaning of incarnation:

The mystery of 'God becoming man.' Here lies the center of the reality from out of which we Christians live, and which we believe. It is only here that the mystery of the divine Trinity is accessible to us, and only here that the mystery of our participation in the divine nature is promised to us in a definitive and historically tangible way.

[...] This mystery is inexhaustible, and compared with it most of the other things we talk about are relatively insignificant (213).

God's gracious self-communication

God's graciousness is expressed in God's desire to enter into communion with humanity even "while we were still sinners" (Rom. 5:8). God is always waiting to be gracious to us. God created us in love and in love communicates himself to us. Rahner says this "self-communication by God to a creature must necessarily be understood as an act of God's highest personal freedom, as an act of opening himself in ultimate intimacy and in free and absolute love. Christian theology therefore understands this self-communication as absolutely gratuitous" (123).

Here Rahner points out that not only is God the giver, God is also the gift. The God who opens himself in ultimate intimacy is the God who is available to humanity. This is the God who reaches into history and forms a covenant with his people:

I shall maintain my faithful love for him always,

My covenant with him will stay firm. (Ps. 89:28)

In this covenant God's love is expressed in a concrete and lasting way  for humankind. Speaking of God's presence through covenant, Samuel Terrien observes: "It is the peculiarly Hebraic theology of presence which explains the importance of covenant in Israel's religion and not the converse. The motif of presence is primary and that of covenant is secondary" (3).

This covenant of love reflects the bonds between God and God's people. Presence has a palpable quality, and gives the sense of power, aliveness, "heart," to the covenant. In fact it is the presence of the living God which gives meaning to the covenant. This is true of the God revealed in the Old and New Testaments. This is a God who is elusive, longed for by his people. This is, at the same time, an unpredictable God. Terrien says:

The religion of the Hebrews, of Israel, of post-exilic Judaism, and of the early Christians is permeated by the experience, the cultic recollection, and the proleptically appropriated expectation of the presence of Yahweh among men. [. . .] Divine intervention in human affairs is generally, if not exclusively, represented as sudden, unexpected, unwanted, unsettling, and often devastating (28).

He goes on to say that this presence of Yahweh was revealed in Jesus of Nazareth. It was only through "the shattering impact of their faith in the risen Jesus as 'Lord' that the early "Christians were enabled to formulate a new theology of presence" (29).

In this theology we experience the mysterious God who comes close yet remains mystery. In Christ we are invited, by our baptism to be participants in this mystery. The mystery as Paul says is "Christ among you, your hope of glory" (Col. 1:27). Jesus showed us the way. He was at the service of God's word and at the service of all to whom this word was to be addressed. During his public life, Jesus came to understand his task as the proclamation of God's kingdom: "The kingdom of God is close at hand. Repent, and believe the Good News" (Mark 1:15). This kingdom of love and compassion was embodied in his life. It was expressed in new patterns of relationships, relationships built on love, on the inclusion of all, especially those whom society of the time rejected. According to Walter Kasper, "Jesus [. . .] laid himself open completely to the reign of God and became a completely vacant and empty receptacle for God's living presence" (204).

Jesus revealed a God of compassion who loved human beings so much that he identified with them and opened himself to the cruel cost that loving unconditionally in a sinful world entails. God's gracious gift reached its high point in the paschal mystery of Christ's death and resurrection. Through the outpouring of the Spirit humanity was enabled to open up and respond to God's gift.

Response to the Gift

In looking at the human response to the mystery, I will refer to our response in prayer and contemplation, then to how this response is reflected in the director, and in the directee, and in their relationship. First of all I will point to some general patterns of response.

God, as we have seen, opens himself in love to humankind, who may accept or reject God's invitation to life. For the Christian the roots of response are in baptism, and all of our Christian life is a call to respond ever more deeply to the initial grace of baptism. Incorporated into Christ by this initiation, our life's journey is toward a more and more complete surrender to the mysterious one who dwells within us. On this journey we meet many obstacles blocking our way from within and from without. The invitation, the grace is given. Our task is to answer; this is our spiritual quest. Dick  Westley says:

We should stop talking about the "spiritual life:" We should talk rather about "life" and of our God who is incarnate there, revealing to us in our experience all we need to know, in order to, like God, be truly present to one another and to our world. For if there is such a thing as Christian spirituality, it is a spirituality of presence, and it is readily available to everyone regardless of state or station. But we must never forget that we can only be present to God and to one another through our bodies. This is what it means to be human, to be an incarnate spirit (15).

With Westley, I believe the work of spirituality is a work of liberation into our true humanity. We are gradually liberated through our communion with the Mysterious Author of all freedom. I wish now to reflect on this communion.

Prayer

Dyckman and Carroll understand prayer as "a growing interaction with our own life in and through the Life who is God, an interaction that is 'response' because God initiates and sustains the process [. . .]. Prayer is 'radical' in the sense that [. . .] it gets at the very roots of our life, uprooting us, creating the new person of the Gospel" (Inviting the Mystic 43-44). Here the emphasis is on life, both human and divine. Prayer cannot be divorced from the reality of our lives. In fact, through contact with God in prayer we are uprooted and challenged to transformation, so that our true self emerges. In this upheaval of prayer we come to know ourselves, a process emerges whereby we are led outward to love and serve others, and are drawn back again into solitude.

God communicates himself to us, and it is our part to be alert to this communication. Doris Grumbach relates one such experience. Her husband and children had gone to a nearby town and she, 27 years old at this time, was sitting on the steps of her home. She tells us:

Sitting there [. . .] listening to the quiet, I was filled with a unique feeling of peace, an impression so intense that it seemed to expand

on, second after second, so pervasive that it seemed to fill my entire body. I relaxed into it, luxuriated in it. Then with no warning, and surely without preparation or expectation, I knew what it was: for the seconds it lasted I felt, with a certainty I cannot account for, a sense of the presence of God.

You cannot understand how extraordinary this was unless you understand that I was a young woman without a history of belief, without a formal religion or any faith at all. (3-4)

This young woman without belief was surprised by God's revelation of himself in her experience. This is the God who waits to be gracious to us, even before we know God's name. It is interesting to note the setting of this encounter. Listening to the quiet, she reminds us of Rahner's reflection on mystery (cited above) as presenting itself to us "in a mode of silence." Entering into, "luxuriating" in this mystery, her awareness deepened and she knew without doubt that she was in the presence of God. When we pray we enter consciously into this presence.

To the early Fathers of the Church life without prayer was unthinkable. Speaking of prayer, John Chrysostom says: "By prayer I mean not that which is only in the mouth, but that which springs up from the bottom of the heart" (162). For him prayer is not merely something vocal. It is an entering into the depths, the heart, which is seen as the seat of God's dwelling within. Olivier Clement observes: "Since human beings are in the image of God and this image is restored in them and activated by baptismal grace, the presence is already in them, in their 'heart,' in that most central of centers, that deepest of depths, which is also openness to transcendence" (204). The task of prayer, then, is to journey to the center, to find the treasure within where God dwells. It is a choice to keep one's eyes fixed on the One in whose image we are made, and into whose image we are called to grow. This encounter in the depths of one's heart, this relationship with God is a central focus in spiritual direction.

Harper says, "to be fully human and to be a presence, a man or woman must have some equivalent of contemplation, some experience with reflection or meditation that can give time for the inner self to expand [. . .]. Out of the depths of the communion with Being itself come riches that do not really belong to us and are not ours to withhold" (On Presence 52). For someone who assumes the task of guiding or companioning another on the spiritual journey this inner expansion and communion with Being must be given priority of place. The riches received in this communion are not merely for oneself but a gift to be shared, a call to be responded to.

Contemplating the Mystery

In the Confessions, Augustine gives us an insight into his understanding of contemplation. Conversing with God he says:

And in all these things over which I range as I am consulting you I find no secure place for my soul except in you, and in you I pray that what is scattered in me may be brought together so that nothing of me may depart from you. And sometimes working within me you admit me to a state of feeling quite unlike any I am used to, a kind of sweet delight which if it were perfected in me would be something not of this world, not of this life. (Book X. 40, 159)

Reflecting on the meaning of contemplation, William Shannon says: "It is a way of making oneself aware of the presence of God who is always there.[. . .] In contemplation I put off my false self, my empirical ego, and find my true self in God. While that true self is distinct from God, in the sense that I am not God, it is inseparable from God: it cannot be apart from God" (209).

Allured by mystery, the human being, the Christian, is drawn beyond him or herself to seek the true self in God. This growth in awareness takes place only in the real world, in the quiet of one's heart. This is seen in Jesus' life when he went away to lonely places to be with his Father (Mark 1:35). Christians, too, must go to the lonely place within, and in that empty space meet the presence who calls them to communion. The call is to communion in love. Evelyn Underhill describes contemplation as "an act of love, the wooing, not the critical study, of Divine Reality. It is an eager outpouring of ourselves towards a Somewhat Other for which we feel a passion of desire; a seeking, touching, and tasting [. . .] of the beautiful and true wherever found" (104).

This passionate love affair with the 'Somewhat Other,' with the Mystery, is an on-going and deepening relationship over time. It is reminiscent of the words of that most passionate of love songs - The Song of Songs. Speaking to his Beloved the bridegroom says:

 

Come then, my beloved my lovely one, come.

For see, winter is past,

the rains are over and gone.

Flowers are appearing on the earth.

The season of glad songs has come [. . .]

Come then, my beloved,

my lovely one, come. [. . .]

show me your face,

let me hear your voice;

for your voice is sweet

And your face is lovely. (Sg. 2:11-14)

The goal of all contemplation, then, is the yearning of the heart to be united with the beloved in love. It is only by allowing the unconditional love of God to touch and to heal us that we are enabled truly to minister to others in our Christian calling. This personal communion with God is vital to the ministry of spiritual direction. Confronting him or herself before God, the director can gradually become emptied of all the inner dross and defensiveness, making room for the life of the Spirit to flow through. In this surrender the director can become a channel for God's love, shining forth to those who come seeking a deeper relationship with God.

The Contemplative Attitude

To say that presence is the core of the spiritual direction relationship is another way of saying that mystery is at its core. Speaking of the connection between presence and mystery, Gabriel Marcel explains:

We have, in fact, real grounds for stating that we discern an organic connection between presence and mystery. For [. . .] every  presence is mysterious and [. . .] it is very doubtful whether the word 'mystery' can really be properly used in the case where a presence is not, at the very least, making itself somehow felt" (Mystery of Being 216).

Therefore, to be truly present to the one who comes, the director has to keep in contact with mystery, to lay hold of that "organic connection" through a development of the contemplative attitude. Shaun McCarty expresses it thus:

  Spiritual directors as mystagogues minister to others especially by being guardians of the mysteries of God's elusive presence and unlikely kingdom [. . .].

       'Mystery' is about personal experience of God and the inexhaustible riches of ever-unfolding meaning available through God's self-revelation [. . .].

       Mysteries of faith are elusive. The God of Biblical experience invites our reach, but eludes our grasp. Mysteries defy domestication. (10)

The spirit in which the director approaches the relationship with directees then, must be one of awe. Unlike the therapist, who endeavors to help the person sort out or clarify problems, the spiritual director has his or her gaze fixed elsewhere. The director's gaze is fixed on the mystery of God unfolding in the life of the directee. In order to be attentive to this unfolding mystery, the director's horizon is broader and deeper than the field of vision which is bounded by the view of the person before him or her. What this means in practice is stated well by Max Woolaver when he says:

The director must learn the art of paying close attention to his or her own sense of presence before God while listening carefully to the directee. As paradoxical as this may seem, the director's attentiveness to this sense of presence to God becomes the root of the director’s sense of attentiveness to the directee. I would go so far as to say that this attentiveness to God ultimately constitutes the only open way by which the director is enabled to pay close attention to the directee and the moment at hand. (13)

From this we realize that it is not only in his or her everyday times of prayer and special meeting with God that the director attends to the mystery, but it is also at the very moment of dialogue with the directee that this attitude of contemplative attention is realized in action. For the act of listening and the act of responding on the part of the director must be infused with the presence of the One who loves us first. Then, out of this presence in love, the director can respond to the real need and desire of the directee for the "more" which is the Source of the call to growth in faith, hope, and love. Gerald May gives us further insight into this attitude:

During the course of any spiritual direction session, the director needs to keep remembering the reality of what is happening. A constantly repetitive reminding of oneself may be necessary here. It helps to begin the session with quiet prayer and with a silent plea for grace to help one truly be a channel of God's truth and love for the other person. During the session itself it is usually necessary to keep re-orienting oneself towards God. There are times when this happens easily and naturally [. . .]. But there are many other times when it is not so easy.(116)

Anyone who has tried to pray consistently knows how difficult it is to keep a single, undivided attention on God. Translated into a spiritual direction session with the added elements of human interaction - dialogue, listening, responding, as well as the psychological components of ego and self-image - it would seem to be almost an impossible expectation. May recognizes these difficulties and asserts that "it is neither possible nor desirable to rid ourselves entirely of such distractions" (119).

However, May helps us see how it might be possible to keep this attention to the divine to the forefront during the session. He does this through an explanation of what happens in contemplative prayer. He says:

We experience an opening of attention. The blinders around our eyes fall away, and we are granted a panoramic view that is inclusive rather than selective. As this vision expands, it is impossible to avoid sensing the reality of God. At the most open point, we can no longer even identify ourselves as the seers.  Instead, it all becomes a oneness, a co-inherence that excludes nothing, yet is fascinated by nothing [. . .]. The totality is all that exists, and one knows and feels immediately, without any need for inference or thought, that God is vitally and comprehensively present. (121-22)

In all of this discussion a word which keeps cropping up is that of "attention." Linking this with the whole notion of contemplation, I would like to highlight two components of this attention which I consider integral incarnational aspects of the director-directee relationship - gazing and listening.

The contemplative gaze is evident in Jesus' encounter with the rich young man. We are told that "Jesus looking on him loved him" (Mark 10:21). To gaze is to "look fixedly, it is an "intent look" (339). This suggests to me an attentive absorption. To gaze, therefore, has a passive as well as an active dimension. When one gazes one has a sense of being drawn in, and in this way being held by someone or by something. Speaking of the glory of God in nature, the author of Ecclesiasticus concludes: "who could ever be sated with gazing at his glory?" (Si 42:26). Gazing is an activity which takes time; it cannot be rushed. It needs space; there must be some element of distance if one is to gaze, to contemplate. Perhaps there is a paradox here, of being absorbed in and, at the same time apart from.

Gazing, or looking intently with the "inner eye" of the heart is central to the contemplative attitude in spiritual direction. It is a look which "sees" the hidden mystery in the encounter, while at the same time being alert to the real person of the directee. One can hear someone more deeply and more accurately in all dimensions when one is aware through a reverent gazing, of facial expression, of gesture, of body language in all its forms.

Listening, too, opens us to communion with the one we seek. Nemeck and Coombs describe this contemplative listening as it relates to both director and directee:

In the context of spiritual direction [. . .] listening is the basic stance of the director and the directee towards God [. . .]. Together they must listen to God himself giving the directee spiritual direction. Listening establishes communion with God wherein both remain attentive to him in dark faith, complete trust, unconditional love. Listening is a waiting together on God in vigilant expectancy, sheer receptivity and unrestricted openness, irrespective of particular words, thoughts, gestures or feelings. (63)

This is a level of openness and detachment that can only be developed over time. Listening to God's spirit and surrendered into God's hands, the director realizes that the real spiritual director is the Lord, and that he or she is an instrument in God's hands.

Revelation

Mystery both conceals and reveals the presence. Our gracious God will always be a hidden, while at the same time a revealing God. To seek God is, in a sense, to come to the realization that one has already been found by God. "The desire to go to God, to open to His presence within us," says Thomas Keating, "does not come from our initiative. We do not have to go anywhere to find God because He is already drawing us in every conceivable way into union with Himself. [. . .]. To consent to God's presence is His Presence" (46). To consent to this presence is to receive life, the "abundant life" Jesus came to give us (Jn.10:10).

Encountering Jesus, we come to know God and to know ourselves. For Jesus reveals a God whose love is unconditional. In Jesus we encounter a God who loves us in our unloveableness, who reaches out to us in our sinfulness and failure. The loving God, in revealing himself to us, reveals us also to ourselves. Speaking of our experience of the sacred, Eugene Kennedy says:

The sacred opens a person to all that faith expects of him even as it consolidates the kind of growth which faith has already achieved.

The sacred stretches us to greater possibilities of growth. It never gives us an experience that ends only in itself. It breaks us out of ourselves, then, into a new awareness of the social demands of Christianity [. . .]. The person who faces the complete truth about himself, as it can be understood only by the light of the Spirit, is a growing person, not a finished one. He is a man on pilgrimage and he manifests the signs of the Spirit's presence as he works at becoming actually himself (83).

Through receiving spiritual direction, the person is facilitated to become more aware of the insights revealed in his or her contact with God. We are encouraged to meet the God who "stretches us," drawing us beyond self-preoccupation into the Gospel love which reaches out to the 'least.' This probably happens most effectively through the directee's realization that he or she is first of all the "least," loved into life yet wounded, called at the same time to healing and to reach out in love to other wounded human beings.

Our very ordinary lives are the place of the meeting with the mysterious Other. It is in the very ordinary events of our lives, too, that growth and change occur. When one enters into a relationship of spiritual direction, one is aware, however vaguely, of one's need to grow. Growth is not a straightforward, linear process, but a journey of many twists and turns. The possibilities for self-deception are endless. So, too, are the opportunities to meet the One "who called us out of the darkness into his own wonderful light" (1 Peter 2:9); called us in such a way that we are empowered to grow into our true selves.

Nurturing Presence

And all shall be well and

all manner of thing shall be well

By the purification of the motive

In the ground of our beseeching  (Eliot 57).

We already observed that presence is a gift - God's gracious gift to himself to us in Jesus. Partaking in this mysterious gift, life given for us, and life given to us, we are empowered to share with each other something of this presence which has embraced our lives. I would like to reflect a little on how this presence may be nurtured. Presence, a gift, precious, elusive, and fragile needs to be respectfully nurtured, so that it may be allured into the light and come alive in the unfolding of life's experiences.

As already noted, the spiritual direction relationship is concerned with the faith development of the directee, with his or her growth in intimacy with God. The desire is for ever deeper openness to the Presence within. The director-directee relationship provides a climate which supports and encourages this openness and development, in fact, a climate in which it is actively promoted. Schneiders says: "The requirements for effective ministry in the area of spiritual direction are determined by the final end of the process itself, namely, the spiritual maturity of the directee. Spiritual maturity is a fully-integrated life with God characterized by freedom, fidelity, and fruitfulness" (130).

In order to nurture this development, it is important for both director and directee to be alert to the goal, or final end, of the process. This alertness includes an awareness of the fact that one arrives at spiritual maturity by way of a journey. It is not a once-for-all achievement, but something that takes place step by step. As with any journey there are hazards along the way, as well as moments of arrival, and the realization that there is still more ground to be covered. Richard Byrne observes: "The spiritual journey is at the heart of human wayfaring [. . .]. The Christian life is a movement of ongoing conversion or transformation. It is a journey during which the Christian is 'being transformed' into the image that we reflect in brighter glory; this is the working of the Lord who is the Spirit (2 Cor. 3:18, JB)" (565).

The task of the Christian wayfarer is to cooperate with this work of the Lord. This movement of conversion is achieved over time and by various means. One of the most effective means is the nurture and support given by one's soul friend. Both the searcher and the soul friend are human beings on the way, pilgrims who have yet to arrive. In their interactions both can further the goals of the process. Both can also hinder the process.

Asking questions, reflecting back feelings, the director helps the directee grow in self-knowledge. This is a gentle and gradual process, which can be fruitful only to the extent that the director is empathically engaged in the experiences the directee shares. It can also only be fruitful to the extent that both are committed members of a faith community, which is, at the same time, a source of nourishment and a call beyond the self to love, and service, and care for all creation.

Barry and Connolly say that it is necessary for the director to have "a surplus of warmth." They go on to say that this is especially needed because of the risks directees take in entrusting their deepest secrets and concerns to the spiritual director. Unsure whether their own thoughts, feelings and experiences make sense, directees need to know that the one who accompanies them is a warm and understanding and truly human person. (126-27) Those who seek direction are unlikely to entrust themselves to someone who gives little evidence of really caring for them.

When the director loves in this way - when in candour and truthfulness he or she can both affirm and challenge the directee - the reality of his or her presence addresses the real presence of the directee, and in that exchange both are enabled to touch together the Ground of their relationship.

Being in love with God, the director is open to grow in that increasing relatedness and increasing transcendence (referred to by Tillich). In the session, through interaction which actively promotes the encounter with God, the director nurtures the possibility for the development of these same qualities in the directee. When these qualities in the director meet with an openness and willingness on the part of the directee to engage the Lord in prayer, to be open to grow in self-knowledge and love, and to stay with the process, no matter what the cost, then a very positive climate is there for the growth of that freedom which is the goal of all spiritual life. However, no relationship in this life can hope to make the journey without facing limitations and setbacks. I will now reflect on these blocks as they impinge on this relationship.

Hindrances

Entering into relationships, especially relationships of any depth, bring great rewards, but also highlight our vulnerability. This is true of our relationship with God as well as of that relationship which sets out to foster growth in relationship with God - that between director and directee. Our vulnerability can open us up to tremendous joy. It can also close us off in fear of reality and keep us apart  from  the  Presence that draws us. Because of this, obstacles to achieving the very purpose of spiritual direction can enter into the relationship.

It would be impossible in an article such as this to focus on all the possible areas of disturbance. I will concentrate on what I consider to be perhaps the most common, and often the most serious areas.

Resistance

From the point of view of the directee, one of the ways he or she can hinder the process is through resistance. Part of the cost in spiritual direction is the willingness to trust someone enough to share with him or her one's deepest, and perhaps most feared, secrets. Barry and Connolly point out: "Resistance often crystallizes around some kind of secret: There is something I don't want the Lord, or my director - or frequently enough myself - to know about. The resistance begins to occur when the 'secret' gets close to the surface of awareness. Obviously there is no way around the difficulty; the secret must eventually be shared with the Lord" (99).

From the foregoing we realize that resistance is, of its nature, unconscious. As a form of self-protection against what is unknown or threatening, it is a normal part of human growth. However, it is necessary to bring this material to awareness, and to own it in order that the person may flourish and grow. With the directee, resistance to growth and change is no different from resistances in other areas of life. Defense mechanism, such as avoidance, intellectualization, rationalization, etc., are very readily used against the emergence of painful insights, or challenges that must be faced.

This is a reminder of the importance of praying for the person that he or she may open to the work of grace. It also points to the importance of the director experiencing direction in his or her own spiritual journey. Then, having experienced it in his or her own life, the director will be wise enough to expect and to perceive this resistance in the directee. The director needs also to be alert to his or her own resistances and areas of unfreedom as they emerge in the relationship. Being willing to engage these resistances in his or her own life, the director will learn that, in fact, resistance can be paradoxical. If not faced it "obstructs the listening process" (Nemeck and Coombs 73). It may block all movement forward on the spiritual journey. At the same time awareness of its presence can be a healthy sign that some truth is seeking the light, and that with much patience, and care, and empathic listening the resistance can be breached and new life may blossom. Arthur Robbins says: "Presence gives us the ability to touch someone in the deepest core of where they live and ultimately may be the most effective agent to help someone overcome their stubborn resistance to change" (156).

Transference

Another problem which commonly hinders the goal of the direction encounter is that of transference. Barry and Connolly note that "one of the most effective ways to resist growth in the relationship with the Lord is to distort the reality of the director." This distortion or transference they define as "a reaction based on the assimilation of the director to an image derived from one's childhood" (157).

Transference, which is mostly unconscious, can be positive or negative. In the feelings of the directee the director becomes a caring mother or kindly father, and the directee is more concerned with pleasing this "parent" than with his or her self as it emerges in relationship with the Lord. Or the director can be perceived as an authority to be placated, and therefore the directee will steer clear of any controversial issue which may "rock the boat," staying grounded in the false and fearful self. In transference, then, the presence becomes distorted, both the presence of the director and the presence of God.

Gerald May says: "One of the most helpful ways of recognizing transference is to notice feelings of countertransference." Among these feelings he notes confusion on the part of the director, talking too much during the session, trying to put things right; attractions, repulsions, undue worry about the directee; movement away from transparency in the interchanges and so on. However, he concludes: "Just because transference creates problems in spiritual direction does not mean that it cannot be a graced event. Just as God works through our personal unconscious craziness, God can also work through distortions in relationships" (129-31).

Further Hindrances

Another risk of all helpers, and spiritual directors is the need to be the savior. Because he or she is uncomfortable with pain expressed by the other, the director can spend his or her energy trying to "solve" the directee's "problems." A director may be uncomfortable with the expression of anger at God. He or she may project this negative attitude in such a way as to effectively block the directee from expressing anger in this way. The director may also be inclined to impose a way of prayer on the directee, without fully taking into account whether it is suitable for this person at this time. In all of these "temptations" it is helpful for directors to reflect on the following: "The purpose of spiritual direction is to help directees help themselves be helped by God. Rather than fostering dependency, we seek to assist the directee in becoming more mature, responsible and free" (Nemeck and Coombs 94).

Conclusion

In this article I have explored the notion of relationship as one of intimacy, emerging from the passionate communion within the Trinity. Rooted in this divine relationship through a life of prayer and service, two people are drawn together into the exchange known as the soul friend relationship. I have referred to these two people as director and directee because of the role each assumes in the relationship. Both are united in their desire to help the directee discern the direction in which God is leading him or her. This is with a view to enabling the directee live his or her life in an authentically Christian way.

The encounters between these two persons are carried out in a contemplative atmosphere, which is an atmosphere consciously open to the eternal Presence we call Mystery or God. Informed by this mystery each is able to be more fully present to the other. Active listening and silence play a vital part in allowing this presence to emerge; honesty and transparency are key elements in its growth.

In a world where we are tempted to anaesthetize ourselves against reality with a constant barrage of noise, the quiet constancy of communion in presence is a deep-seated need, though not a popular choice. In a world where 'doing' swallows up our restless hours and days, a presence that centers on 'being' has become a profoundly necessary counterbalance.

In order to live one's life out of these values - which are basically Gospel values - one needs to remain close to the Source of all presence through a life of prayer. One would be will advised not to go it alone, but to have a wise companion on the journey, a soul friend who appreciates one's deepest inner longings and encourages one to live from the center.

 

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